i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
