Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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