I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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