Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
