i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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