I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
