there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize