I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
