What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
