We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
