Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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