He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
