just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
