Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
