I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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