drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize