He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
