508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize
