I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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