I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
