You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
