It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
