I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
