Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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