i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
