So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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