All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
