i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
