i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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