Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
