I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize