I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
