Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
