am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
