My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
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