Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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