i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize