My nipple is on Facebook.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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