My first STD was from a foam party
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
