i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
