wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
