Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
