if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize