used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
