On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
