He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
