guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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