Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
