i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Who did Billy Mays play for?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
