Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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