you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
