we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
