Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
