I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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