i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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