Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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