you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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