Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
