how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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