Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
