I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
