summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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