from now on my penis is your penis
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
